If everyone jumped off the cliff, would you jump too?

In most cases the answer should be ‘no’, especially if it’s your mom asking unless you love being grounded for giving cheeky answer. But after my friends start to pop babies one by one, I couldn’t help but think maybe I should jump too. Maybe there is something I miss out because none of them regret jumping in the first place.

The process actually started years ago when my school mates starting to produce their offsprings. That time I was still a young graduate who thought I’d forever be in my 20s and babies were something only grown-ups would think about. Now that the big three-o has hit me, conscience hits me even harder and the question of should-I-or-shouldn’t-I has never been more pressing. At times I would feel panic just thinking that by the time my future kids reach 25, the age where they can be independent, I’d be in my retirement age. Will I be able to give them what it takes to survive the life?

Money is not the main issue here. I’m sure we can manage even if I leave my job. It’s the logistics that worries me. Anyone who know our living style will be able to testify that I don’t (or seldom) cook, don’t clean the house every day (not even every week), do laundry only when I’m running out of clothes, and our house spells disaster for babies and toddlers with so many things lying around the floor. And I’m not a multitasker nor a morning person, the absolute mandatory requirements for becoming a mom.

Although not the main issue, money is of course still an issue. I don’t feel comfortable relying on one income as job security is practically non-existent nowadays. If I leave my job now to raise our kids, I doubt I will be able to get a job down the years. I had enough trouble explaining the 9-month gap in my resume last year, let alone few years gap. And then there is this migration to Aussie thing. Is it a good idea to bring a baby to a new country where even us not sure what’s in there for us?

So the debate continues in my head while the clock is ticking as it has been for years …